The Cullen's on Facebook
by Kayfication
Summary: The title pretty much says it - the Cullen's on Facebook. Just me and my friend having a little fun. Was supposed to be a one shot, but it was way to fun to write!
1. First shot

This is just me and my friend having a little fun. Oh, and don't ask… ;)

Facebook

_Bella Cullen __just signed in._

**Bella ****Cullen**: been feeling ill and throwing up all morning, gosh hate being sick!

_Emmett Cullen just signed in._

**Emmett Cullen**: preggers?! :D

**Bella ****Cullen**: no…?

**Emmett**** Cullen**: oh that's right… to get pregnant you have to have sex and since Edward's a freakin 109-year-old-virgin who refuses to do it with his wife you guys haven't…

_Edward Cullen just signed in._

**Edward**** Cullen:** what the hell, Emmett?!

**Bella**** Cullen:** I hate you, Em!

**Edward**** Cullen**: who doesn't…

**Emmett**** Cullen**: hey! what's up with the harassing?! *crying*

_Rosalie Hale just signed in._

**Rosalie**** Hale**: guys, please! trying to get my make-up done over here.

**Emmett**** Culle**: Rose, you're vampire. you're beautiful as you are, you don't need make-up, babe.

**Rosalie**** Hale**: gosh, that would have been so romantic if you only had written "you're you" instead of "you're a vampire"…

**Edward**** Cullen**: what makes you think we didn't do it on our honeymoon, Em?

**Rosalie**** Hale**: did what?

**Edward**** Cullen**: not talking to you, Rose.

**Rosalie**** Hale**: argh! am I the only one who doesn't get to know?! so unfair!

**Emmett**** Cullen**: really, you did it? :D

**Bella**** Cullen**: none of your business, Em…

**Rosalie**** Hale**: what's none of his business??

**Bella**** Cullen**: none of your business either, Rose…

**Emmett**** Cullen**: they had sex on their honeymoon! :D way to go, bro! ;)

**Emmett**** Cullen**: or should I say 'way to go, sis', she probably talked you into it…

**Rosalie**** Hale**: well that is just disgusting… I'm not gonna sit here talk about my siblings sex lives… ugh.

**Emmett**** Cullen**: well, I am! how was it, Eddy? :P

**Rosalie**** Hale**: *sighs* bye.

**Bella**** Cullen**: I'm outta her too…

**Emmett**** Cullen**: no wait!

**Bella**** Cullen**: what?

**Emmett**** Cullen**: so you're preggers?! :P

**Edward**** Cullen**: no, Em, she's not. cuz I'm a fucking vampire… can't reproduce, remember?

_Carlisle Cullen just signed in._

**Carlis****le Cullen**: you had protection, right, Edward?

**Bella**** Cullen**: OK, so now I'm really outta here…

**Edward**** Cullen**: me too…

**Edward**** Cullen**: wait, why'd you wonder if we had protection, Carlisle? *confused*

**Carlis****le Cullen**: well, we don't know for sure that vampires can't have children with humans. no one's really been testing… except maybe you kids.

**Edward**** Cullen**: WHAT?!

**Bella**** Cullen**: couldn't have said that a little earlier?

**Carlis****le Cullen**: thought you knew…

**Edward**** Cullen**: *going in to chock*

**Carlis****le Cullen**: relax, I'll exam Bella to see if she is or not. and then we'll se what we do.

**Bella**** Cullen**: could everybody please just stop talking about this? just cuz we did doesn't mean I am.

**Emmett**** Cullen**: bet you are :P

**Bell****a Cullen**: shut up, Em!

**Emmett**** Cullen**: you shut up! :O

_Esme__ Cullen just signed in_

**Esme**** Cullen**: Emmett! Be nice to your sister.

**Emmett**** Cullen**: she started it!

**Bella** **Cullen**: did not!

**Emmett** **Cullen**: did too!

**Bella**** Cullen**: hate you!

**Emmett**** Cullen**: hate you more!

**Edward** **Cullen**: if you ever say stuff like that to Bella again I'll kill you, Emmett!!

**Be****lla Cullen**: thank you, Edward. love you.

**Edward**** Cullen**: love you more.

**Emmett**** Cullen**: hey, what about me??

**Bel****la** **Cullen**: uhm, nobody likes you, Em… let alone loves you

**Emmett**** Cullen**: that is so not true!!

**Edward**** Cullen**: …

**Rosalie** **Cullen**: …

**Esme** **Cullen**: …

**Carlisle**** Cullen**: …

_Jasper Hale just signed in._

**Jasper** **Hale**: …

**Bella** **Cullen**: hmm, what was that again, Emmett?

**Emmett**** Cullen**: why doesn't anybody like me? :O

**Bella**** Cullen**: oh, geez… wonder why…??

_Alice__ Cullen just signed in. _

**Alice**** Cullen**: hey, what's up, family?? :)

**Emmett**** Cullen**: oh, now you've gone to far you little awkward human being!! *growling at Bella*

**Bella**** Cullen**: you big annoying hated bloodsucker! *growling back*

**Alice** **Cullen**: geez, take it easy…

**Jasper**** Hale**: are they bothering you, Ali-babe?

**Alice**** Cullen**: actually they kinda are, I was in such a good mood and now…

**Jasper** **Hale**: *sending out happy emotions*

**Alice** **Cullen**: thanks, sweetie.

**Emmett** **Cullen**: Alibaba? *laughing my ass off*

**Alice**** Cullen**: no, Em, not Alibaba. Ali-babe and Jazzy-babe :)

**Emmett**** Cullen**: *still laughing my ass off*

**Jasper**** Hale**: and you wondered why nobody likes you…

just so you know, me and my friend both love Emmett! this was just for fun. :)

/KW


	2. AN

**A/N: Hey guys! I just want to thank all my readers and especially reviewers****. :)**

**And I was wondering something. "The Cullen's on Facebook" was only supposed to be a one shot, but me and my friend had so much fun writing it and I got some very nice reviews from people who liked it, so we were thinking about writing another Facebook-"chapter" if you can call it that. So, I just wanted to know if **_**you**_** would want that (no point of writing it if nobody will read it) If you do, please review and if you want to, you can gives us ideas – do you think we should continue where we left off or write about something else…? **

**It will probably take some time for me to put it up though, since ****I spend a lot of time writing on "My own Bellward story".**

**The more reviews – the bigger chance that we will write it. :)**

**/KW**


	3. Second shot

**A/N: **

**Warning: BREAKING DAWN – SPOILERS!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (****unfortunately) ****– Stephenie Meyer does.**

**So, I decided to continue this Cullens-on-Facebook-thing. But this time it's a parody of Breaking Dawn. But what if Rosalie was the human and not Bella? What if Emmett was the vampire married to the human girl and not Edward?**

**This is practically the Facebook-version of the "unexpected"- chapter in BD (ya'll know what that was about, right?) but in Rosemmett-style.**

Facebook

_Rosalie Hale just signed in._

**Rosalie Hale**: damn rancid chicken!

_Emmett Cullen just signed in._

**Emmett Cullen**: did you throw up again, babe?

**Rosalie Hale**: uh huh… Em, how many days has it been since the wedding?

**Emmett Cullen**: uhm, 1, 2, 3… no wait, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…ah, what the hell, let me go get a calculator…

**Rosalie Hale**:*sighing*never mind, I'll count myself…

**Emmett Cullen**: uhm, Rose…why the hell are you holding up a box of tampons?

**Rosalie Hale**:oh, gee, I don't know, trying to tell you something, maybe?!

**Emmett Cullen**: what? that you have PMS? oh, _that's_ why you're so grumpy…

**Rosalie Hale**: what?! I'm not grumpy! and no, I'm trying to tell you that my period is 3 months late!

**Emmett Cullen**: yuk… so?

**Rosalie Hale**: _so_? haven't you noticed my current eating and sleeping habits? and the fact that I throw up like 24/7?!

**Emmett Cullen**: babe, where are you going with this?

**Rosalie Hale**: I don't think this is food poisoning, Emmett…

**Emmett Cullen**: then what is it?

**Rosalie Hale**: you are so dumb, you know that?!

**Emmett Cullen**: definitely PMS…

**Rosalie Hale**: *lifting up shirt and showing off a huge balloon-belly* got it now?!

**Emmett Cullen**: gee, maybe you should slow it down with the fast-food, babe.

**Rosalie Hale**: O-M-G!!! what the hell is wrong with you?!

**Emmett Cullen**: *sighing* what did I do now…?

**Rosalie Hale**: you are so stupid! don't you get it?! I obviously have some kind of dangerous, rare disease!

**We literally rolled on the floor laughing our ass off while writing this, so hope you liked it! And this is not to ****ridicule**** Rosalie and Emmett, we know they're not stupid and we love them both! Mostly Emmett though, he's haawt! :D**

**Thank you for reading! (: Now, **_**please please please**_** review! *making puppy-eyes***


End file.
